better than i was

Some exciting things are happening in my life and I've been encroaching on some new territory here in the last couple of weeks.  First, I've made it four whole dates with a potential suitor and have kept my crazy in check the whole time!  AND.  I completed a race today with a wee faster time than my A goal, making today's race my fastest.  ever.  Go me!

And so, in tribute of my recent triumphs, I thought that it would be fitting to recap some of the important lessons that have made this place possible:

• Hard work and constistancy are necessary ingredients for achieving any goal, although hard work doesn't always mean or look the same in every situation.
• The way your body is used to practicing is the way it will perform.
• Old habits and ways of thinking die hard.
• Things cannot be removed from our lives without replacing them with something else.
• The only real peace comes from knowing that God is in charge.
• People who care about you will want to know who you really are.  Cherish them.  
• You owe the loved ones in your life the time it takes to truly get to know who they really are.
• Sometimes we relapse into bad habits so that we can remember not only how far we've come, but also how far we still have to go.
• There is no shame in being a nice person.
• When you feel pretty, you act pretty, and that is the pretty that matters.
• Honesty and a good sense of humor about your shortcomings will put a lot of things into perspective.

Cheers,

control?

We all do it.  Sometimes we do it to try and help, other times we do it to save face, maybe gain a little power, and other times we do it maliciously.  I mean.

Everybody lies sometimes.

Maybe we lie more than we'd like to admit.  And we justify.  Which is a lie within itself.

We lie to our loved ones.  Our enemies.  Our acquaintances.  Poor schmucks on the street.  We lie to ourselves.

What's worse is that we begin to expect everyone to lie to us about everything.  We fear what people's lies will do to us and we lose faith in the people who love us or want to love us.  We become unable to love them back.

We become preoccupied with protecting ourselves.  It is right at this moment that we begin to believe the biggest lie that could possibly be told.

We believe that we can control someone or something outside of ourselves.

And then we lose control. of. everything.

As I have struggled through the what-if's, whaddoIdo-nows, and how-could-they's that life often throws in my face, I've learned to trust that God has a bigger plan than what is currently playing on the small screen in front of my eyes.  I've learned that underneath the fear, there is almost always some type of divine direction.

When we learn to trust our instincts, our faith, our selves we learn that we don't have to distrust other people.  We don't even have to protect ourselves from them, because there won't really be an opportunity for them to blind side us.  And even then, we can trust that we will eventually be okay again.

We can simply relax and enjoy the ride.  Now, wouldn't that be nice?

mojo

No.  I'm not talking about the dog in Transformers.  Although, I do <3 that movie.

What I'm talking about here is my drive, or lack there of it.

Changes to my schedule make my life difficult.  They bother my regularly scheduled programs and turn my OCD all kinds of pear-shaped.  Sometimes it takes such minimal effort to get myself back on track after a change that people have mistaken me as being laid-back or adaptable.  I'd really like to say that those are my strongest, most defining characteristics.  But then I'd be a liar, too.

While to some, at times, I may appear to handle life's little twists and turns with grace and composure; I can assure you that I am FREAKING out on the inside.  For the last four weeks that school has been back in session, my brain has been frantically summersaulting around the plausibilities, possibilities, and limitations of my new schedule.  All that equates to the accomplishment of absolutely nothing. 

Really, it's getting quite irritating.

I mean, it's not like my *new* schedule is all that new or even remotely crazy.  Which, to be honest, just makes the whole thing that much more frustrating.  My schedule now isn't even all that different from my summer schedule, except of course, that I have to go function on someone else's schedule for eight hours right, smack dab in the middle of my day.

I know, I know.  Waaa waaaa waaaa, cry me a river.  Seriously, I wanna knock myself out for being so crabby and whiny about all of this.  Here's the deal though, what I know from years of teaching is that sometimes the only way to get rid of the road block is to just deal with it.  This stupid lack of mojo has been effecting my running and writing.  two things I count on dearly for my sanity.  The running is still in a spot of limbo for at least the rest of the week, but hopefully this post will be the end of the writer's block.

Which is good 'cause I'm real ready for my mojo to come and kick my butt back into gear.