day 20: pursue

I made bacon to go with my eggs for dinner tonight.  It was glorious.

And. 

Right now, as I type, I can hear one of my man-eaters in the kitchen trying to track down the remnants of said bacon.  I can hear her rummaging in the trash right now {of course, I'm on to her antics so I  threw the contraband away in the dumpster while she was still outside}; then she will go to the sink to try to sniff the dishes, but they have already been washed and put away; finally, I will hear her nose open the cabinet where I keep the screen that keeps the bacon from spitting.  At that last resort, I will have to leave you for a bit.  It's a little gross to let the dog lick the clean pots and pans.  Just sayin'.

The dog is relentless.  The kitchen is like her personal casino and dinner time is like playing a hard-core game of craps.  One time, I left the kitchen briefly and came back to find she had eaten a whole stick of butter.  What?  Who does that ish?  Apparently, my dog.  Another time, she managed to turn on the stove with her big ol' feet.  {That wasn't really funny, I for real have dreams that I wake up in the morning and she's got the burner lit and just-a-roarin'.}  Yesterday while I was making chili, she just about knocked me over trying to get a piece of onion that I had dropped on the floor.  I thought that might deter her scavenging ways, but clearly a little onion will not stand in the way of a bacon hunt.

All in all, though, Miss Sadie Lou is sweet.  She is stubborn.  She is head-strong.  She is prissy.  And if she had pinky fingers, she would have hers permanently and proudly raised.  And for goodness sakes, when she bats her eyes in the midst of whatever havoc she is wreaking, my heart just melts and I find myself fighting the urge to cuddle her.  {She only cuddles on her terms, ever been snubbed by a dog?  Right!  I told y'all she was stuck up!}

This man-eater has a whole lot to teach her mama about being sweet and holding her own at the same time.  But, the lesson this afternoon was that sweet doesn't mean settling with the same dog food every morning and every night.  It means employing stealth, creativity, and perseverance to savor even just the smell of some bacon.  

Or in the case of the pictures above, batting her sweet brown eyes thus deterring me from making the bed and forcing me to stop and love on her just a bit.  Until, of course, she had had enough of the lovey-dovey nonsense.  

day 17: give thanks

Whoa!  I've kinda gotten a little bit off track on my 31 day goal.  No worries, though, I have full intentions of jumping back on track and gettin' it done.  Rest assured, my lovelies, even though I haven't been writing, I've been doing some thinking and experimenting.  Trust me, I've had a lot of opportunities to practice my sweetness.

But without any further ado...

Today we're gonna talk about being thankful and giving thanks.  It's really really easy to get caught up in the hardness of the world around me.  It's second nature for me to be looking for the better option.  It is not easy for me to be actively thankful as I pay my bills, get up for work before dawn, and go about all of my mundane daily tasks.  BUT.  Those are precisely the tasks that we need to be most thankful for.  Here are just a few of the less-than-bragworthy things I have to be thankful for today:

Source: sparkpeople.com via Laura on Pinterest

I'm thankful for the bills in my mailbox because they mean that I have a job and can afford to have warm running water, electricity to refuel my many electronic toys, gas to heat my house and cook yummy meals for myself and friends and family, a fun car to drive, and a cozy house to hug me.

I'm thankful for four o'clock alarm clock because it means that I have a job to go to.

I'm thankful for my most difficult students because they push me to be a better teacher and person.

I'm thankful for my exhausting, whirlwind trip this weekend because it meant that I could see my cousin get married and spend time with my mama, aunts, uncles, and cousins who live far away; because it gave me a chance to explore a new city; and because I was able to have a fabulously interesting conversation with a stranger on the plane.

I'm thankful for the dog-hair tumbleweeds in the corner of my living room because it means that my ferocious man-eaters are alive and well.

I am thankful for the muddy paw prints on the kitchen floor because they mean that I have a back yard for my man-eaters to run and play in.

I'm thankful for my dishwater-chipped nail polish because it means that I had the resources to cook, serve, and eat a good, hot, hug-in-my-belly kind of meal for my dinner.

It's easy to be thankful of the good stuff y'all, but the sweetness really comes from being able to take the costume off of the things that look like curses and burdens.  What are curses and burdens are y'all thankful for today?

day 16: pray

I often compare my runs to life, it seems that each little run is a lesson that helps me move forward in my everyday life a little more smoothly; but, I also like to compare the bigger picture of life to a vacation with a lot of different people.  Almost ten years ago, my family took a four-generation, seventeen-person, two-minivan vacation to Florida.  Both grandmas needed wheelchairs, one needed to be pushed while the other refused to sit down; my step-grandpa wanted to go to Gatorland; the little girls wanted to be princesses; my brother was afraid of the water at SeaWorld; and, my mom and aunt made us all wear matching t-shirts.  We all had stuff we wanted to do, expectations for the trip, and the mutual conclusion that if we couldn't get along, we wouldn't have fun.  I think life is like this.

One of my Anonymous Beloveds is a tremendous planner.  I'm not gonna lie, I love to vacay with her because everything is always taken care of.  Even when something I'm not super into is on the agenda, I'm able to relax and enjoy it {some times more than others} because she's got everything under control.  I know for a lot of people in my life, I represent a similar calmness and security.  We all represent this for at least one person in our lives.

And, sometimes it's a lot for a girl to carry on her shoulders.  But, y'all already know that.

It's no surprise {or probably a coincidence, either} that I've been working through some stuff as I've been writing this series.  In a way, we're always working on something {or working on not working on it}.  It always is just a wee bit funny when the thing I've been searching for has been in my face, under my nose, or in my hand almost mocking me while I've run around like a cray-cray trying desperately to find it.  And of course, it's way worse when I'm über-stressed about all of things I've got to get done and all of the people who need all of the other things, and so on and so forth. So here's what smacked me in the face yesterday morning.  Y'all ready?

God is kinda like my AB, except with way more resources and is not at all daunted by carrying it all on His shoulders.  He's ready to take the load.

Then, I realized that in the midst of all of this stuff, I had forgotten to pray.

Source: thebestpinterestpics.blogspot.com via Laura on Pinterest

The thing is that praying isn't just about asking God for the things and outcomes that we want; it's about confiding in Him our deepest fears and concerns and asking for advice.  It's a conversation.  And it doesn't always take place while I'm on my knees at the side of the bed.  Sometimes it takes place while I run.  Sometimes over my morning coffee.  And sometimes, little signs like repeating numbers or the hourly notifications I set on my phone telling me that God is in control reminder me that I'm on the right track or that I need to get back on it.

When I first got my man-eaters, I read A LOT of books about dog training.  One of the most consistent piece of information I learned, no matter the method, was that dogs need to re-learn everything you teach them in every new situation they are in.  Humans are like that, too.  It so explains why I give great advice that I, for the life of me, cannot follow myself.  {It's okay to nod your head a little bit if you see a little bit of yourself in this, I won't tell.}  It also explains how I forgot to pray.

Stuff can be throw-you-off-the-tracks-completely hard.  Really, it's just a new opportunity to learn something new or master a tactic.  For me, it's been a little bit of both and prayer is a necessary piece to lightening the load.  I know for sure that carrying it all around does not a sweet lady make.

day 14: but don't settle

Theres a little voice inside all of our heads that tells us what we can and can't do.  It affirms what we subconsciously believe is {or is not} possible.  We'd like to stand up and scream in its face that what it is saying is false, but we second guess.

Oh, the what-if's.

Yesterday we talked about how it is a-okay to not be perfect.  But.  There's a fine line here.  Because, while we are all amazing in our own sweet imperfect way, it's not okay to settle for mediocre.  It's not okay to let that little voice convince you to stop, give up, or give in.

Take for example, my dishes.  My dishwasher is otherwise disguised as my two sweet little hands and the only garbage disposal that exists in my house doubles as two, four-legged, tail-wagging, man-eaters who prefer dumpster diving over actually eating men.  So you can understand, then, why I despise cleaning up after dinner and why sometimes I'd rather let one of my many personal chefs cook dinner.  It's one thing to accept that I'm not probably going to ever have a real dishwasher in my current house; but, it's a complete other thing to give-up on the whole having-a-house-that-hugs-me-back thing, feel defeated because I have to do it myself, tell myself that I don't deserve to have nice things if I can't have dishwasher, let all my dishes pile up, and become a hoarder eating off of paper plates while the real ones grow things in the sink.  Ok.  So, maybe it wouldn't be that serious.  But it could be.

Source: somethingstronger.tumblr.com via Felix on Pinterest

I've struggled a little lately with the concern of losing the wit and snark that I so closely identify with in my endeavor to become sweeter.  I have feared the idea that sweet might mean ignoring boundaries and putting on the facade of a constant state of "nice-ness" and perpetuating doormat-like tendencies.  In the last several days, however, it seems that by becoming more sweet, I have opened the door for me to feel more authentically like my self, more confident in my "flaws", and more determined to deepening my connections with beloveds.  My conclusion is that my desire to be sweet is really my desire to be a better, happier, more welcoming, more imperfectly unique me and nothing less.

day 8: payoffs

I spoke with one of my Anonymous Beloveds last night.  She yells a lot.  It seems her kids usually err on the side of bad.  I do not think she is very happy.  I contemplated telling her about this here project thing I've got going, but I didn't want to get into it.  Sometimes sweet means, simply listening without giving in to the overwhelming need to give advice.  I got to thinking though, that she gets a pay off; she's in it for something.  We all are.

No matter how selfless or selfish a person is, everything they choose to do gets them some type of a pay off.  The problem is that most of us don't even realize that our rewards are making us miserable.  But what's my payoff for being sweet?  For sucking it up when I really want to tell the mean mommies to shove their stupid little rain boots where the sun really isn't shining or  from shoulder checking the person who's too busy yelling into her cell phone to see that she's walking on my side of the isle at the store?

I think the ultimate payoff is the world we build around us.  My girl Flylady suggests that we all deserve to build a home that "hugs" us.  Isn't that a fabulous image, y'all?  I want a life that hugs me back.  All the same, it's hard.  Its hard for me to make friends, well real friends anyway, you know the ones you really let get to know you.  Ok.  If we're really gonna be honest here, it terrifies me to be vulnerable in the same way that my man-eaters pace in the basement with their ears perked up, eyes so wide I can see the whites of them, and tails tucked to their bellies during a storm.  So, I've adapted.  I'm the girl with a plan, the one with doggy-tranquilizers and peanut butter as soon as the tornado sirens start wailing.  You know, the self-reliant one, the regular old boy scout.

To simply say that I want a life that hugs me back in return for my sweetness is only scratching the surface.  I want a life that hugs me back because sometimes the walls I build to protect myself leave me a tad bit lonely.  Because one of my greatest pains in life is watching others live a life that I can only dream of right now.   One of my very special ABs always reminds me that when the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the fear of changing, you'll change.  I'm learning how to be vulnerable one sweet day at a time and my payoff for becoming sweeter is opening my life up to new possibilities.  What are your payoffs?

warmest wishes

Only one more sleep until it's Christmas morning and I've managed to get myself and the man-eaters safely to my home town in a land far, far away.

So far so good.  We're all settled in, gifts are wrapped and under the tree, and I've finally figured out how to use my mother's "new" coffee maker.  All is well and my short Christmas vacation has officially commenced.  

Merry Christmas, happy holidays, and general warm wishes to all of my beloveds out there! 

For lack of a cohesive whole

It's been exactly two weeks since my surgery, here are the things going on in my life and what I think about them, because, well, I just can't decide what to focus on for my fabulous come-back note:

• My surgery went better than originally expected, no bone shaving here... which means... daaaa da daa.... minimal worries about my distance running career :)  Yay!  Only about 6 more weeks of PT until I can start back again!
• I completely forgot about this first week in August and that means one full week of no obligations!
• I've started puppy rehab for my two man-eaters.  I suppose recovery on the couch in front of the television (mostly reruns of Miami Ink  and Dog Whisperer) have rubbed off on me.  Mostly, my German Shepherd Miss Nika Boo is a wee bit pushy and maybe needs some etiquette training.  So far, so good ... happy, chill puppies and a mommy who hasn't gotten knocked down in three whole days!



The cutest man-eater faces, Miss Nika Boo and Miss Sadie Lou.

• Now that I can stand and move freely about the kitchen, I made some killer pancakes with blueberry maple syrup for dinner!  Oh my!  Paired with a nice fruity glass of white wine and mwa ... breakfast dinner fit for a queen!

Ah!  I feel better now, back to my regular scheduled life :)  Have an amazing day, ya'll!