marriage and a baby carriage

Source: simplydiamonds.com.au via Doloritas on Pinterest

I go to a good job every day.  I have a master's degree.  I own my own home and drive a nice car.  I pay my bills on time and have a decent credit score as a reflection of that effort.  I have a strong resume and two generally well-behaved dogs.  I am healthy, active, and happy.  I am absolutely blessed without a doubt, and am thankful for every aspect of my life.

That doesn't mean that there are not things that could enhance it.  I pray every night for someone with whom to share all of these blessings.  I pray for children to awaken my home with laughter.  I pray for the opportuntiy to wake up every morning next to the man I love most.  I pray for the job title of mom, wife,  homemaker, and superwoman.

Maybe it's because I've gotten all of my ambitions out of the way; maybe it's because I know I'm going to be okay, regardless of what the future holds; maybe it's because I can honestly say that I don't need my neighbor to come and cut up the big 'ol tree branch that fell on my house last weekend because I can confidently and successfully do it myself; but honestly, I want to be cared for.

When I wanted to become a teacher, there was a plan in place for that.  When I wanted to buy a house, I followed all of the steps.  Every time I have purchased a car, there has been a familiar routine to follow.  I pay my bills according to the rules and followed a template to write my resume.  The dogs, eh, well, it's a process.  There is no guideline, rule book, or template to meeting my future partner in crime.

Oh.  Wait a minute.  There are plenty.  If I haven't read them all, I've read most of them.

Source: d30opm7hsgivgh.cloudfront.net via Jonesy on Pinterest

Maybe I'll set the plight of feminists back a couple hundred of years, but I've decided that just because I can do the work of a man does not mean that I do not deserve to be treated like a lady.  Fair and equal are not the same things.  And so, I will: paint my nails, write thank you notes on pretty cards, allow a man to pay for my meal and open my door, wear dresses, and get a little teary during sentimental commercials.  I will not apologize for being a woman and I will relish the man who appreciates it.

Sure, I'm super appreciative for all that women in history have done to pave the way for all of the amazing things and experiences that I have been granted or able to earn.  I revel in the knowledge that I have not felt the pressure to settle for less than I deserve on any front.  But I wonder sometimes if I have learned to be too independent, too self-sufficient, too outspoken.  I don't want to be dumb, defenseless, or mute; but I also don't want to be treated like a man, like I'm easy, or like I'm disposable.

summer reading

Now that summer is here, I have tremendous spot in my back yard,  am officially broke, and down to one job I have been reading a lot.  Let me tell you a little bit about the book I'm currently toting!

Source: barnesandnoble.com via Laura on Pinterest

I must admit that I haven't read much fiction lately and I didn't much know what to expect when I downloaded this little gem onto the iPad except that the title intrigued me.  I never would have guess I would be so addicted to it!  The basic premiss is that Alice wakes up from a bad fall and can't remember the last ten years of her life.  As the book unfolds she struggles to make sense of her life without any memory of the events that got her there.   Aside from the heart wrenching realizations Alice makes about herself, this book had got me thinking about my life...  What would my 22 year old self think of my life today?  Would she be disappointed or proud? 

So now it's your turn to tell me... what are you reading now?  Have you read this goodie yet?  What did you think? 

you just might find, you get what you need

Sometime in the first week of January 2009, I signed up for my first half marathon, to be run in April and for my first marathon, to be run the next January.  On that day, I had never run straight through more than 4 miles at one time and had participated in exactly one organized race.  A 5K.  In over my head?  A little, but in this case, ignorance was bliss.  I had no idea what I was really in store for.

Over the months I trained my butt off, finally got real running shoes, and asked more questions than a toddler from everyone whom I could possibly glean a sliver of insight - even the dentist.  In the world that existed then, there were no paces to calculate, no splits to aim for, not even a PR to beat.  I had no idea when I would finish the race or how I was going to make it 13.1 miles without music.  All I knew how to do was run and pray that I didn’t die.

Then it came, the April morning I had worked so hard for.  And it was raining.  And I was petrified.  Thankfully, between the enthusiasm radiating between my mom and my aunt, I mustered up the courage to line up in my coral.  As I stood there, protected from the rain by my motley garbage-bag-poncho, I surveyed the crowd and tried desperately to figure out what last minute preparations I was supposed to be making while I stood in line.  My mom has always told me that God would take care of me and even though this was the furthest thought from my mind, I had the luck of making eye contact with another lone runner.  We struck up what turned out to be a 13.1 mile conversation.

On that day, a stranger became a beloved and together we pushed each other to triumph.  Without her help, I would not have been able to run the whole race and with my help, she was able to beat her time goal.  I’ve often considered her an angel who showed up when I needed the support the most, even though I didn’t really think I needed it.

Today, on a glorious Easter morning, almost exactly three years to the day since that race, I ran with my Anonymous Beloved again.  It is only the second time in our lives that we have run together, or even spoken face to face, in our lives and yet it all just fell so naturally into place.  And again, we pushed each other passed our road blocks.

One of my favorite images of God comes from the “Footprints in the Sand” poem, when God tells the speaker that the places that only show one set of footprints are from when God was carrying him.  Maybe old friends, new friends, and strangers who become friends are the arms of God.  We weren’t meant to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders alone, sometimes we just need to be reminded.