Sticks and stones

I've been feeling very temperamental these last few days.  Maybe I'm torn in too many directions, burning the candle at both ends, getting too much sleep, not getting enough; really, the possible explanations are endless.  Tuesday morning, I couldn't wake up soon enough in anticipation of my first run since April and this morning I almost talked myself out of it.  The only things that seem to be concrete right now is how short my fuse is getting and how much I end up changing my mind in a short time.  I am, right now, in a word, crabby.


This morning, once I finally committed myself to the cause and pressed "start" on my Garmin, and started running I waited for the euphoric runner's high to wipe away my bad mood.  And then I waited some more.  My current regiment calls for three rounds of 2 running minutes and 8 walking minutes; after the initial 2 running minutes, I was certain that my morning jaunt was going to haunt me more than release me.  What felt freeing on Tuesday, felt cumbersome today; what motivated me then, had begun to daunt me; the disappointingly short 2.5 mile loop began to seem like 25.  But I trudged on, obediently switching gears according to the beeps and I finished in what seemed to be a shorter time than Tuesday.


I did finish quicker than Tuesday, by almost 2 minutes; and that first cumbersome interval, turned out to be the fastest pace I've been able to sustain possibly ever.  All of a sudden what seemed at first to be a rough start to the day became a ray of hopeful light.  Isn't it funny how a simple definitive result can affect a whole experience!  This morning it was a good thing, but what about the times when the end result shadows the joy?  It has been said that true rewards are found in the journey, not the destination.  This morning, the reward was defined neither by the run nor the effort, but by the Garmin.  Even thought the feeling was brag-tastic it was external, none the less.


I always think that running is a metaphor for life; that whatever I experience in life can be explained and examined through a run and whatever lessons I learn from a run can be projected into life.  In a strange way, my handy dandy GPS watch has become an interloper; another metaphor perhaps.  Maybe electronic feedback can be just as disheartening as public opinion, that is, if I choose to allow it.  As Eleanor Roosevelt, so famously, said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." 


Ultimately, I want to feel good; we all do.  Maybe the lesson is that I've grown to depend too much on the data, the external sources, to define happiness.  Maybe the various directions that my life seems to be pulling me, the burning candles, and my sleeping habits aren't really the cause of my crabbiness; maybe its that I'm depending on the external feedback to define my journey after the fact instead of using my internal barometer to help navigate the course. 

Today was a good day!

This evening, while I was putting freshly washed (and dried with lavender scented dryer sheets) linens on my bed, I happened to notice my spectacularly awesome self in the mirror.  I was once challenged by some author of some book that I happened across some time ago to fall in love with myself.  Really, truly, madly and shamelessly fall.  in.  LOVE.  It probably sounds corny and maybe conceited; but sometimes, after I've put on my deliciously colorful make-up (oooh, especially the eyes) or in the mirror over a good brush/floss/rinse session, I gaze into my eyes and remind myself how beautiful I am (right now, I'm all I've got; and for real, if I can't do it, how's Prince Charming going to?).   I'm pretty sure I'm in love and I love how much more lovely life is for me now!  Its been a long road, folks, to get to this point, here are the things that I'm loving today:

• Mastered my interpretation of a description I found, I think, in this month's issue of Women'sHealth of a "west coast blow out".  Ok, I don't really know if its officially a blow out, but oooohhhhh, my hair just looked so effortless and shiny today that I altered my outfit so that I could bear wearing it down in all this heat and humidity!  And a side note: my love for driving with the windows down did not hinder my hair in the least, which totally makes me hotter (in my fantasy sequences, at least)!
• I way over spent on groceries today, like budget for 3 weeks overspent, but I shopped the perimeter of the store, only bought what was on my list, and bought as much on sale as possible.  I'm pretty pumped because I probably would have spent it under the golden arches if I wouldn't have spent it on eggplant!  
• I successfully made and enjoyed a fabulous meal of Eggplant Parmesean, a glass of Pino Grigio and peaches topped with home-made whipped cream and pecans.  Holy YUM!
• The above meal, sans the wine, cost me (based on what I had on hand and what I just bought) around $1 per serving!  Whoo Hooo!  It's a good thing I'm rocking the whole cook-on-the-cheap schtick because I've got two whole weeks until payday!

• Today was officially the last day of summer vacay for this chick and I've got my coffee pot set to brew at 5:15, my clothes all laid out, and my lunch (leftovers) neatly nestled into my elephant lunch box (really, we can't take ourselves too seriously now; its my conversation starter)!   
• Mary Beth was finally sent home on Food Network Star.  Ha.  Sorry, it had to be said.

There's so much more, but one of my sleepy man-eaters seems to be irritated that I am still awake and I suppose, since I just glanced at the time and realized that I'm gonna have to be up in around 5 hours, I should go to bed ... 

Sweet dreams, my lovelies :)

For lack of a cohesive whole

It's been exactly two weeks since my surgery, here are the things going on in my life and what I think about them, because, well, I just can't decide what to focus on for my fabulous come-back note:

• My surgery went better than originally expected, no bone shaving here... which means... daaaa da daa.... minimal worries about my distance running career :)  Yay!  Only about 6 more weeks of PT until I can start back again!
• I completely forgot about this first week in August and that means one full week of no obligations!
• I've started puppy rehab for my two man-eaters.  I suppose recovery on the couch in front of the television (mostly reruns of Miami Ink  and Dog Whisperer) have rubbed off on me.  Mostly, my German Shepherd Miss Nika Boo is a wee bit pushy and maybe needs some etiquette training.  So far, so good ... happy, chill puppies and a mommy who hasn't gotten knocked down in three whole days!



The cutest man-eater faces, Miss Nika Boo and Miss Sadie Lou.

• Now that I can stand and move freely about the kitchen, I made some killer pancakes with blueberry maple syrup for dinner!  Oh my!  Paired with a nice fruity glass of white wine and mwa ... breakfast dinner fit for a queen!

Ah!  I feel better now, back to my regular scheduled life :)  Have an amazing day, ya'll!